There’s one in every neighborhood!

Posted: February 12, 2011 in Uncategorized

In virtually every city I’ve lived in, I’ve had one–I’ll bet you have too: That mean, self-centered, self-righteous neighbor that pulls down the whole tone and atmosphere of a neighborhood. Well, we’ve got a doozie of one where I currently live. Let’s call her “Natalie the Neighborhood Nazi.”

Beginning  with household unrest, for years, there have been regular shouting—no, let’s say screaming, shrieking—matches among the occupants of this household that have in many cases, escalated in pitch to the degree that the police have been summoned, neighbors fearing that the next level might become physical and possibly violent. Reasons are undefined as we try to stay out of their business, but it is obviously a very toxic environment in which to live.

This self righteous behavior has recently crossed the boundary of our respective properties and has dragged my wife (let’s call her “Linda”) into this nasty drama. My wife has always loved animals and is even kind to some that I don’t care for. As a result, our back yard is visited by squirrels, birds, raccoons, possums, the occasional rat or mouse and others who come by for the food she leaves for them: bird seed, sunflower seeds, nuts and the like. We also know skunks wander the area as our cat “Dexter” has been sprayed at least 4 times. Unfortunately, the squirrels sometimes take their goodies and bury them for later consumption and at times, bury them in the neighbor’s yard. This sends “Natalie” into a frothing frenzy with wild claims of the destruction of her back yard. Hyperbole abounds here! During most weekends, “Natalie” can be seen blasting away at the evergreen trees in her back yard; we have learned that she’s trying to knock out any squirrel nests in the trees. In one encounter with “Linda,” “Natalie” (screaming, of course) railed at the notion that she didn’t like animals, but her behavior would certainly confirm that she didn’t.

Now, “Natalie” has “kicked it up a notch,” by placing a trap on top of the hedges she sprays. In addition, she has enlisted the help of two neighbor boys in her sick scheme to catch all the guilty critters and relocate them, we’re told to a nearby park. Natalie and her cohorts have been successful in ridding the area of the squirrels, which has on more than one occasion, reduced “Linda” to tears as the squirrels have become quite friendly. Of course the squirrels are gone now and “Natalie” smugly goes about her miserable life.

When challenged by “Linda” about such unfriendly conduct towards the animals, “Natalie” responds indignantly, by stating she IS an animal lover! I wonder what kind of response we’d get if we could ask the critters? She has chased all life out of her back yard and now she has a perfect match for the lack of life in her own household.

  1. Arlyn says:

    Kill her with kindness, man. Kill her with kindness.


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